In comments on this post, I was recently asked how, following my TBI, I got on with the friends I'd had from before it. I think this is a very understandable issue: TBIs often change the sort of person that we are, it almost stands to reason that we won't get on with our friends like we did, before. The thing I think's important is accepting that we're different now and that, just as we've changed, our friends might need to change, too.
I myself was raised to only bother hanging out with people who are keen to hang out with me. If people didn't want to hang out following my TBI (and I'm sure there were some), I just shrugged my shoulders: that was their choice and well, I had better stuff to do, any way.
In terms of meeting new people who might want to hang out with me, I love picking up new sports, joining new teams or trying new activities. Which activities do I try? As I explain in this post, Get into it, I love trying things I reckon I’ll enjoy.
Even with focusing on hanging out with those who wanted to see me, I'm quite sure that I still had much to learn about being a friend. I've written up some thoughts on that issue here: Talking through people skills.
Cheers,
Mike
Monday, 23 April 2012
Friends and TBIs
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13 comments:
I am still recovering from brain trauma, it happened on my way way back to work on lunch hr, was hit by a drunk driver. Don't remember anything about wreck. It has been almost 2 yrs ago. I still have a 10 yr. old child to raise, she is great.
There are things that have come back to me, that were happening right before accident, some not so good. I try and not focus on those, just getting better and raising my child.
I am still confused about lawyer stuff, and things I can go back on, and things I can't. I feel it isn't over till I am totally independant.
Hi there,
Whoa, it sounds like a rough time you've had. Do you have a name we can call you by? I've linked to a couple of my posts below that I think might help you out. Please come back to me if you have any questions on them.
Yes, I definitely to encourage you to focus on getting better and raising your child. You might have lost much, but you do still have those things: at least it wasn't worse.
In terms of when your recovery will be over, I encourage you to focus not on being totally independent, but on improving how independent you are, right now. I think you should see recovery as not being about restoring your old faculties, but improving your current ones.
I wish you all the best with your recovering. Please come back and talk more if I might help out with anything.
Cheers,
Mike
Hi Mike,
There are a few of us around.
Like yourself, I sustained a severe diffuse injury in a motor vehicle accident.
Coming to terms with which I have survived and the memories of PTA still haunt me 7 years on!
I have spent a great deal of time thinking and analysing the way that my brain and memory work.
It has always helped me with coming up with new strategies.
Good luck.
Thanks Anon. Best wishes for your recovery, also.
I would like to use some of your photos for my website along your bio. I am a concussion educator and my website is www.SportsCAPP.com.
It is important to understand the difference is between mTBI and severe. I would like to use your case to illustrate one case of severe TBI.
Thank you,
Katherine Snedaker
203.984.0860
www.SportsCAPP.com
I would like to use some of your photos for my website along your bio. I am a concussion educator and my website is www.SportsCAPP.com.
It is important to understand the difference is between mTBI and severe. I would like to use your case to illustrate one case of severe TBI.
Thank you,
Katherine Snedaker
203.984.0860
www.SportsCAPP.com
Hi Katherine,
Thanks very much for asking me if you might use my info. Yes, I am quite happy for you to do so.
Your website looks great and I wish you all the best with it. I agree that the risk of concussion in sport is poorly understood.
It is of course impossible to ignore having a severe brain injury like my own. It's must easier to ignore that you've had a minor concussion or mild brain injury. The consequences of doing so can be severe.
A newspaper in my home country of New Zealand recently published this article: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/accidents/news/article.cfm?c_id=13&objectid=10838246. It's about a 14 year old rugby union player in Ireland who died during a game after receiving a series of concussions. His mother understandably wishes much better information had been available about the risks of seemingly minor concussions. Your site will definitely help with that.
I hope you website makes all the difference.
Kind regards,
Mike Wilkinson
Good day, Mike!
I've just come across your page 'Comebacks from Traumatic Brain Injury" tonight, and I now naturally have some questions.
I see that you had attended graduate school following your TBI. And so I'm now very curious to hear of how you dealt with a reduced processing speed in graduate school--how big of a challenge was that for you?
I've always loved school & loved learning & reading--and had always fantasized about continuing on to graduate school, likely to teach...but I never knew of exactly what I wanted to study/teach! And so after college I traveled to Moscow, Russia to work as a journalist though I was struck by a car there--back in 2002--as a a pedestrian. I then survived a 2-month coma as well as a med-evac flight from Moscow back to Philadelpia, USA. I suffered a severe TBI--along with a broken pelvis, some nerve damage, loss of an eye, a broken nose and a torn ligament. I'm happy that I've worked very hard to make a good recovery--and so now live independently. I've also been working part-time both as a writing tutor at a local college and as a salesperson at a local grocery store. Though nothing now is as satisfying as college/academia had felt!
And so I feel some insecurity that I still don't know of just what I'd like to study--let alone how quickly I'd be able to finish the needed schoolwork! I do love the tutoring/teaching work I now do, and I also love both to read and write. But I fear that I'm now too slow at those tasks to find any readily available job in teaching (which, ideally, I'd like to do in higher education).
And so I'm very curious to hear about your path and your commentary on my cases. How did you know what you wanted to pursue in graduate school after your trauma? I had no idea what I wanted before my trauma, and I'm now still not sure--even though I can note that I do love tutoring and explaining things to students!
I hope I've effectively described my situation, and I think my case involves an uncertainty about what I want to do that's heavily weighed down by my trauma. I look forward to reading any commentary your can give me.
Thanks,
Dan Nehmad
Hey Daniel,
Thanks for the great description of your situation. I do think I have a few words to offer. Do you want to have a read and come back to me with further questions?
At school or College, did you ever have a friend who might not have been the smartest, but still did well because he or she worked really hard? That's sort of how I see myself: especially post-TBI, I'm by no means the quickest person around, but I'll work myself to the bone to get the job done!
In terms of my path back to College, did you read my post, From theorising in my brain to theorising in my thesis? In it, I explain how I had thought of doing more study before my accident. After it, though, I basically stopped thinking about it... until I came across a really good idea of something to study (the EFTPOS payment system in New Zealand). Once I had that, it all came together. I did work myself hard, but I got the thing done in the end.
For you in your situation, I highly recommend thinking hard about what it is you want from further study. If it's a career in teaching that you're really after, are there any other ways you might get it? Especially if you've had a TBI (but even if you haven't), I do not recommend going to grad school, unless you have an extremely good idea about what it is you want to achieve there.
I hope that all makes sense. Please drop me a line at howtorecover@gmail.com if you have any questions at all.
Cheers,
Mike
Mike, I recently also got a TBI from a car hitting me as I was cycling. That was about 4 months ago. I was training for an international distance triathlon.
I have since been discharged from various therapies and can drive again. The doctors said my recovery was faster than normal.
How long did you have to wait before you could run? Did you experience any problems running? I currently only jog a mile and walk. I can feel the road telling me to speed up lol.
Hi Chin Phat,
Sorry for the slow reply. That sounds great that you're recovering well. Be careful though: you don't want to overdo it and make things worse.
With running again, I highly recommend ffinding a good physiotherapist who knows lots about running. Even though it can feel so natural, running is actually a very complex activity for the body. It requires the coordination of lots of muscles.
Most of all though running requires heaps of determination. It sounds like you've got heaps of that so go for it!
Please let me know if I can help out at all.
Cheers
Mike
Mike,
Joining sports is definitely a great way to meet people. As is volunteering- many of the people I have worked with enjoy working at local animal shelters in their spare time to meet like-minded people and receive some free "animal therapy" in the process. Thank you for being such a strong voice in the community
Hey Mike,
Thanks for the comment. Yes, indeed volunteering is something else recovers might do to meet people. Whichever way they achieve that, though, I think the most important thing is they find something they enjoy. Although volunteering is very laudable, it might not work for everyone.
Cheers,
Mike
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