Managing Brain Lock

In the post, Brain Lock, I described one particular problem I have where I get something in my head and set about doing it... no matter what. In spite of me being aware that I occasionally suffer it, I continue to experience it. Most recently, it happened at work when I continued to (somewhat publicly) argue about a point in spite of it becoming quite disruptive for my team.

Although we ended up with the problem resolved, I was embarassed about the way we got there - good ol' brain lock was at it, again. So, to try and avoid future episodes, I went back to the drawing board once more to reflect on ways to manage this problem. I've thought of a couple that, as yet, are untested. That is, I don't really know if they'll really work. Nevertheless, I wanted to blog about them now so my readers can see an example of a thought process I go through when managing through such problems.

I decided that, in times of brain lock (and perhaps at all times), the best thing is to focus on end-outcomes. What is my end-goal for this situation? What do I want to walk away having achieved? What is the best way to achieve it?

Of course, there's still the problem of knowing when I'm in danger of becoming brain-locked (and, therefore, in need of thinking about alternative methods to achieve end-goals). Here, I'm still a little unsure, but think that the best way of knowing this is to always reflect on one thing: how many times have I raised this issue? How long has it been since I reflected on my end-goal and alternative methods of achieving this?

I'm not too sure if this will work (particularly, my method of trying to realise when I'm at risk of brain-lock), but there you go. I will continue to think about it and revisit it, if I still have problems with brain lock.

Cheers,
Mike

Brain Lock

I've had another issue that has occasionally cropped up since my TBI. I get something in my head and set about doing it... no matter what! Indeed, I discussed one occurence of it in Mike's Regrets; almost getting another TBI by trying to body-surf dumping waves at a surf beach I went to.

Quite suddenly, I become much less aware of any factors indicating that what I'm doing isn't the best approach. Something else happens, something new crops up, but I just seem to ignore it. It's as if my brain isn't flexible enough to cope with the changing situation. It doesn't happen that often - normally my brain operates more or less as it used to. When it does happen, though, I describe it as brain lock.

For me, brain lock is almost as if I simply forget to think about other stuff. I become focused on the task at hand; on doing (or saying or being) whatever it was I had intended to do. And I seem to ignore everything else, no matter how relevant.

As I've written before on this blog, I can be very determined about stuff when I want to be, but this is different. When I'm being determined about something, I do my best to take in all relevant aspects of ths situation. When I've got brain lock, it's as if I'm simply ignoring everything else. Brain lock seems a great way of describing my problem.

I have yet to come up with a full-proof way of dealing with my episodes of brain lock. I hope that it will be at least a little easier if I'm aware that sometimes I do it. As I get more experienced with the new me, I hope that I'll become better at knowing when I might get brain lock.

I don't know if every TBI recoverer suffers from brain lock, but suspect it might be quite common. Whether it is or isn't, though, I write about it here to give readers a better idea of the sorts of problems they might face. I do believe nearly every TBI problem can be solved, or at least substantially helped, with a bit of careful, thorough thinking and problem solving. I hope this one isn't any different.

Cheers,
Mike

P.S. I've now added a post about Managing Brain Lock

Small Steps

I have a close friend who's also a recoverer. She's recovering from various issues related to depression. That sort of recovery is no less is a long road than a recovery from TBI. As we go through our recoveries, one thing her and I often talk about is the need to break recovery into small steps; each step builds on the one before, but none builds too far!

We both think about where we'd like to end up and then break that goal into a series of small steps to get us there. Each step is taken with a very clear structure in mind if things go wrong. When you're taking small steps, it doesn't matter so much if you have to take a step back down.

Of the many things I've become able to do using small steps, probably the best demonstration of it is my return to full-time work. My goal was always to work full-time as a competition economist and my Occupational Therapist helped me break this into small steps. I took on a support role, doing a few hours a week of background work supporting other competition economists. I gradually built up my hours and the pressure I faced until, finally, I was once again working fulltime as a competition economist. As the graph in this post shows, it wasn't a fast process, but I did, in the end, get there.

In many ways, my slow progression just happened naturally. I would handle one bit of work ok and then accept a little bit more. I initially found stress difficult to handle, but, by increasing is slowly and with supports in place should I find any one bit too much, I gradually became accustomed to it.

Having a process in place to gradually become accustomed to things is key. Nothing should be rushed! Everything should be in small steps!

Cheers,
Mike

P.S. I've written another post on this topic, Making Steps Manageable.

Breaking the 40 Hour Week Barrier

I'll start this post with something that will be fairly obvious: I love my job! Getting myself into a position where I could properly do it has been a focus for me right from the word, go (or maybe the words, severe brain injury :-) !

And by properly doing it, I do mean full time work. The problems with fatigue caused by my brain injury meant, for a long time, all I could manage was part time work: a few hours a day. After my accident, my first week back at work was only three hours long (for the entire week!). I could never enjoy doing my job part-time the same as I had doing it full-time. So my target was always a normal week's work for economic consulting: 40 hours!

It's taken awhile, but, with care and attention (using things like neuro-resting at work), I finally achieved it, three years and a bit years after my accident. It is difficult for me to communicate here how important a milestone this was for me.

I've prepared this graph to celebrate my rise of the phoenix. It sets out the billable hours worked (that is, those hours I could charge someone else for) since my accident, combined with a few important dates around my accident.

I think it is this graph that does the best job of setting out the progress I have made coming back since my accident. I've written one more post about it, Reasons for My Travel and Mike's World Tour. I'll also write another discussing the trends in this graph.

Cheers,
Mike

Keeping My Eye On the Ball

I've written about how, with care and attention, things can slowly come right after a TBI. I'm coming to see how the need for care and attention doesn't really change, though. I've been making good progress with my fatigue and have now managed a working week of 35 hours. Yet, I still need that care and attention. I still need to keep my eye on the ball!

I tried finishing my first week of working 35 hours with a bang! I hung around after work for Friday evening social drinks. And I did so without first neuro-resting. Bad mistake!

I got tired again ... very tired! My old nemesis, long term fatigue, started setting in. That's where where my fatigue builds up and up so that it takes days for my energy levels to recover. Fortunately, I retained enough sense to call it a night about 8pm. I went home and basically collapsed into bed, quickly aware of my mistake. That rapid retreat saved me from bad long term fatigue, but my energy levels were certainly not a 100% during the rest of the weekend.

Yes, my fatigue is a lot better than it was early on, but, no, that I still need to be careful. I still need to wonder if what I'm doing is much outside my new, post-TBI constraints. I still need to keep my eye on the ball!

Cheers,
Mike

Neuro-Resting at Work

When I described The Neuro-Rest, I talked about how I can take one almost anywhere. One of the most useful places to use it is somewhere you wouldn't normally expect rest to happen - the work place.

My fatigue is mainly a mental thing. I can only concentrate for so long and then things start to go down hill. In the post, The Fatigue Bank Account, I described how I have to make sure I keep my rest up during the day. The extra concentration required at work means I need to be extra careful to stay on top of my fatigue.

A convenient way of doing so is neuro-resting at work. When I feel I'm getting tired, I just find somewhere around with no distractions, say a spare office or somewhere. I don't even have to be lying down; just somewhere with no noise I might focus on.

Given how much I enjoy my work, I think my recovering would be much more difficult if I hadn't realised I could neuro-rest at my work place.

Cheers,
Mike

Let's Talk About It

I had a diffuse TBI and that means it's difficult to know which areas of my brain are affected. That makes it almost impossible to guess, beforehand, how my brain might respond in different situations. Will I react properly? Will I properly understand what's happening around me?

Of course, I'm always accumulating experience. That means, over time, I get better at judging what I'm ok with and what I need to be aware of. But, to help me recover better, any new situation requires something else. And I have been lucky enough to have access to that something else, someone to talk about things with.

I am particularly lucky because my someone is, in fact, two people: my wonderful parents. With them, I can talk about who I saw each day, what we discussed and, most importantly, how they reacted to what I said and did. That's important because I need to make sure that I'm responding as best I can, both in many social situations and in many working situations.

I am also lucky because my brain injury has left my personality largely unchanged. That means, in most situations, I am usually just the same old Mike I always was. Many TBI recoverers might find that their reactions, before and after their TBI, are sometimes very different. I hope, however, that those recoverers also have someone to talk with about stuff and to listen whole-heartedly to what they have to say.

Cheers,
Mike