Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Dark Days

In some of my posts, such as my last one on mountain running, I fear I might give the impression I'm something of a recovery machine, that I'm an astounding success at recovering from my TBI.  If I have, that impression would certainly not be correct.  I have made mistakes (such as those discussed in Mike's Regrets), but what I think are more important from a day-to-day perspective are dark days,

I think all recoverees, myself included, sometimes face dark days, days where the weight of recovery seems too much to bear.  As an example showing how not to recover, I'm writing this post to talk about what I think helps for dealing with dark days: don't give in to them.

The ability to feel sorry for ourselves is a common human trait.  Whoever we might be, I reckon it's only natural for recoverees, myself included, to sometimes stand back and think, "man, this really sucks!"  A TBI can cause so much stuff to go wrong, there will likely be much to remind us that life is so much more difficult than it was before our brain injury.  It's natural that sometimes all of us will want to pack it all in, to give up and retreat into some deep cave somewhere.

Therein lies the biggest risk posed by dark days.  Do we give in and retreat from them?  That deep cave seems safe from the outside world.  Why not just head in there for a bit of nap?  The thing to remember, though, is that the deep cave provides little shelter from the effects of our TBI, it's actually quite cold and damp.

I think the trick with dark days is know they come, but don't last forever.  As we're experiencing them,  I think it helps to keep in mind that, while not much fun, things could always be worse.  What's important is to stay out of the cold, damp cave, instead standing in the sun as we keep getting into stuff.  Know that dark days come, but don't give into them!

Cheers,
Mike

2 comments:

Lee said...

You cope amazingly well. People need to feel ok about asking for help during dark days too. I wonder if this is especially difficult for guys to do?

Mike said...

I personally find it very easy to ask for help, Lee. (My bigger problem is probably knowing when to keep quiet and hold my tongue.) I believe asking can be a bigger issue for other people, both guys and girls.

One thing that might help with asking is to think, how bad is it going to be for this person to be asked for help? Is this their expertise? If I were in their position, would I find it disruptive or feel bad about it? Thinking about how it might seem to the other person helps me know better when to ask and when to hold back. Maybe this is something others could try.

Cheers,
Mike