In the post, Sympathetic Reactions to Brain Injury, I described how peoples' reactions to the effects of a brain injury commonly fall into two groups. That post discussed the first and this one the second.
Not all comments that fall into the unsympathetic group are negative. Often, people are just going about their business, see something unusual and comment on it. Assuming I was already drunk (instead, I was well fatigued), a nightclub doorman once stopped me from entering his bar and said, "how many drinks have you had tonight?"
I admit, though, that more negative comments are sometimes made. I once was told (in no uncertain terms) that I shouldn't be using disabled carparking spaces because, to the speaker's eye, I looked completely healthy. I've heard about other recoverers who, for instance, have been berated for not filling out forms at the library quickly and correctly.
It is a strange fact of the human pysche that, for many recoverers (me included), even the more negative comments can be significantly less annoying than the sympathetic comments that I 've described. No matter how negative, though, unsympathetic comments get made because everyday people don't come across brain injury very often at all. They're just not aware of why my brain mightn't work quite right. It's easier for them to just think I'm a bit slow or a bit stupid.
If people react unsympathetically, I think it's pointless blaming them. Instead, I need to think about what I can say to make them see there's more to it than meets the eye. To the nightclub doorman, I can say, "Actually, it's not that I'm drunk, just that I had a bad accident a few years ago and my balance isn't so good now." To the library receptionist, I might say, "Forgive me, but filling in forms isn't one of my strengths. Can you help me out?"
Some have labelled unsympathetic comments with the much maligned word, discrimination. That seems silly to me as I can have so much influence over how people react to stuff about me. Why blames others without first thinking about what I can do to help?
Cheers,
Mike
Not all comments that fall into the unsympathetic group are negative. Often, people are just going about their business, see something unusual and comment on it. Assuming I was already drunk (instead, I was well fatigued), a nightclub doorman once stopped me from entering his bar and said, "how many drinks have you had tonight?"
I admit, though, that more negative comments are sometimes made. I once was told (in no uncertain terms) that I shouldn't be using disabled carparking spaces because, to the speaker's eye, I looked completely healthy. I've heard about other recoverers who, for instance, have been berated for not filling out forms at the library quickly and correctly.
It is a strange fact of the human pysche that, for many recoverers (me included), even the more negative comments can be significantly less annoying than the sympathetic comments that I 've described. No matter how negative, though, unsympathetic comments get made because everyday people don't come across brain injury very often at all. They're just not aware of why my brain mightn't work quite right. It's easier for them to just think I'm a bit slow or a bit stupid.
If people react unsympathetically, I think it's pointless blaming them. Instead, I need to think about what I can say to make them see there's more to it than meets the eye. To the nightclub doorman, I can say, "Actually, it's not that I'm drunk, just that I had a bad accident a few years ago and my balance isn't so good now." To the library receptionist, I might say, "Forgive me, but filling in forms isn't one of my strengths. Can you help me out?"
Some have labelled unsympathetic comments with the much maligned word, discrimination. That seems silly to me as I can have so much influence over how people react to stuff about me. Why blames others without first thinking about what I can do to help?
Cheers,
Mike
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